This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
