Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
