Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
