"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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