remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
