R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
