Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize