Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
