i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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