I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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