is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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