theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
