she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
