At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The struggles of a small town man whore
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
