You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
