your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
smell my finger.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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