your parents love me but you hate me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize