Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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