New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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