What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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