just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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