Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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