TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Let's paint friendship bongs
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
