Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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