I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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