So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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