He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
