I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just invented taco cereal.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
