I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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