but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
