Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
