Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
