so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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