Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i came on her dog
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We need to get me chipped asap
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
