that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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