Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize