Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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