While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
