he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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