I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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