Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
