I accidentally burped into my bong.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
