I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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