Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
