I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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