wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
