if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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