I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
