I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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