I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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