Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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