There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I lost the right to judge tonight
Everclear isn't food dammit
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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