pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
