btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
