There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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