I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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