end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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