Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
