So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
