O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize