you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
