You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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