she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
