We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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